footstep

Let me try to collect my thoughts. Teenagers. Stress. Ripples. It's a stage of turmoil, I've won before, Show me how to do it, again, Oh God. Show me how to lay my life and habits, My fear of failure and my time wasted slothfulness, My crutches of false gods and prophets... ...My crutch on her. All before you! Oh, Lord, I want to be your man, and your son. I want you to be pleased with what I am doing, and to seldom ever see me fall, Lord. Show me the way, like you did to Moses and the oppressed Hebrew out of Egypt's hand. I sound like everything I'm saying is a cliche, Lord. Please believe, your son, who wants to be with you. Forever.

I'm burning away, And I don't know who started it. My chest aches. It burns and I'm breaking. I was a kid, once. Didn't know about how tough it could be, down the road. Now I'm burning away. Wish I remembered why I struggled. Wish I knew why I died, And never got you.

It's nothing, really. Except for the fact that I'm choking at the reflection of the headlights off of the road. It's like I'm making you big in my mind, and the ceiling of the sky is low. The key into my room is like the key into my heart: and it's that I want to take you. I'll show you the Grand Canyon, I'll show you the coasts of Peru. I'll take you to Jerusalem, And out to Ayers Rock. I'll take you somewhere, Because I'd die just to see you smile at this big whole world, built just for you.

Love isn't about notes, no. It isn't about the way you make me feel when I'm walking alone down Broadway, or how I feel when I lying in bed, biting down on my pillow, no. Love isn't about your photographs, or the moments frozen under the lake by my old house, or the light under the lamp post in your neighborhood, oh, no. How I'd dream of getting back, and staying there, forever. But there's a reason that these place will go away and become replaced with new ones that look just the same, but for different people. It's the thing that keeps us pushing forward, despite another overcast day. Despite another walk around South Quad and down Division. It's what makes me look out into the cold dark wind and see a warmth, higher and further away from me, yet warming me like it was in my gloves and around my heart. It's a reason, but it's locked so tightly that I can't see what it is when I try to look down at my chest. But I kno

You're a wish, In my dreams. I'll wait in this place, Until you appear. And that's when I'll realise, That you've always been. You've always drawn, You've always flowed, You've always danced, And sang, And ran, And loved me! There's hope for you and I, And I'll wish for you to be mine.

You're one. I'm empty. Someday, We'll both be half-full.

I kill myself. When I think of you. I kill myself, When I think of you. You breathing. On my neck. You kissing my... ...And I'm dead, again. Build me a fantasy, Alone to wake, again. Show me a glorious day, Only to be gone, again. You kill me with nothing. You kill me with just thought, Again.  Get me out.

With every photograph, It seemed like my world collapsed I was enamored with your memory last summer, And now, I'm inebriated to a limitless stupor. I'm shocked at the beauty you've become, It's terrifying and spellbinding. I'm afraid to give what I have to you, Though I know you'll open wide your arms. Slap me, and wake me from this dream. It's impossible to shake free now... ...But, I love it.

It's funny, I know. For to be thinking, not about myself, No. I'm thinking about your soft arms, Your precious hands that cleansed my wound, Your starry eyes, and your quiet legacy.

It's calm. It's quiet. Then, like a swelling tide, I've washed up on your shore. I clench the sand in my seaweed-covered hands to such a billowing extent until they tremble with strain, until I shriek in confounded exasperation. Then I lie there, in the sand, face down. Close my eyes, and just imagine you. Wisper out your name in a disconcerted tone, Because I know that I'm still in a dream.

I've set up a place in my mind, And I saw you in broad daylight. I've deceived myself. You're only an image. At the night, I see you again. I reach out, But you writhe and disappear before my eyes. I don't understand the pressure in my brain, The seconds of time passing by in a funnel. The choking sensation of this cotton smoke, The meaningful nothingness of this feeling. You were never and ever there.

Every time I leave through the door, You leave through a door in my mind. Every time I bite my tongue out of stress, You hide away in subconscious edifice. Every time my legs ache and my nerves pinch, You dive into a deep lake, and swim into a cave, recluse. But every time I return back home, You climb out of the icy water, drenched, but spirited. And every time I take off my coat and hang it out to dry, You clothe yourself with the warmth of sentimentality. And every time I turn off the light and lay my head to rest, You remember, and lay your head next to mine.

She wears a feather in her hair,  With a thin and gentle frame. She bears fiery hazel in her eyes, With but few and quiet words.  She has a bright smile, unmatched in heart, The pulse of love's resounding throb.